TweeterTrash

About TweeterTrash

Worst. Music. Ever.

Find me on iTunes and Facebook ...and junk. A short while ago, in a government cheese line not too far from a 7-11 which is located around the corner of a Starbucks and down the street from a so-so sushi restaurant in the drudges of downtown Los Angeles, a rather obese and flatulent man was overheard talking about how awful the music of today was compared to the stuff that was being released in the 70's and 80's, and how easy it was for kids today to get a computer from mommy and daddy and make a million dollars by pointing and clicking instead of learning how to really play an instrument and developing musical talent.

Standing in line directly behind the disenfranchised gentleman was the one who would become TweeterTrash. At first, Tweeter was offended by the man's blatant disregard for today's music and it seemed to him that the man was just another old guy who was inclined to simply dislike what "those damned kids today" were listening to and nothing more.

But then, an idea struck deep within the lobes of Tweeter's entrepeneurial mind. What if it WAS easy enough to make music on a computer? And what if one actually COULD make a million dollars selling it in the worldwide marketplace?? AND... what if, just to spite this crotchety old bastard who thought that today's music was merely point, click, cut, copy, paste, he made the absolute WORST music ever created?? What a grand thing THAT would be!

But, after a moment, the idea fizzled in Tweeter's mind as he momentarily pondered the fact that he didn't necessarily have the means to acquire a computer or the software to make music in the first place. Nor did he have the time, as he was much too involved with his recently begun marathon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix and his part time McJob. So, he decided to let the thought pass just as he had always done with previous ideas that could have lifted him from the clutches of poverty but were cast aside as they all required some form of action and motivation.

But then, Tweeter got the motivation he needed. The overweight grump in front of him got the last two blocks of government cheese and the line was shut down, leaving Tweeter completely empty handed after a long morning of waiting in line.

I don't know if you've ever had government cheese. For the majority of you who have never tried it, imagine a block of Velveeta. Creamy, easily melted and yummy. Now picture the generic brand. Not as creamy. It still melts okay-ish, but it doesn't taste anywhere as nice. Got that sorted out? Okay... NOW picture the generic brand left in a warehouse for a few months to dry out and become... haggard.

One would probably think to oneself, why would anyone stand in line for hours to get a chunk of ugly cheese? Suffice to say, if one is standing in line for hours to get some ugly cheese, they likely could REALLY use that cheese. Our friend Tweeter was looking forward to getting his share, unfortunately he was forced to helplessly watch the last of it plop jauntily down the street in the arms of a man-cow that was STILL complaining about today's music scene and how dumb Ke$ha's music was.

While he may have had a point about that last bit, it caused ole' Tweet's idea pot to start brewing again, and this time it was boiling over. Screw Buffy! (at least for now) It was time to DO something!!

That day Tweet headed to Rent-A-Center and signed his life away in order to pay 3 times the retail cost for an average home computer. He then borrowed the cash he needed to purchase a music production program from a person who was more of a friend than a loan shark, but was still a loan shark, and jumped right into learning the ins and outs of how it worked.

After a long and drawn out montage of Tweeter sitting in front of a pile of computer components clumsily strewn out on a small foldable table and playing his creations for others who end up making faces and dismissing him with flailing arms as they vomit violently, TweeterTrash triumphantly created his first song and called it "Check Me Out (The Guido Song)". Unfortunately that song would never see the light of day as Tweeter didn't enjoy listening to himself sing or rap as much as he liked just making the music, so "Check Me Out" hit the curb and made way for a few new tracks which were either completely or mostly instrumental. These new tracks were deemed absolute garbage by those close enough to Tweeter to be fully honest with him. Alas, he had acheived his goal. He had made the world's crappiest music and would now try to make a reality out of his dream of giving that fat lump of government cheese swiping piss something to REALLY complain about before dying of a stroke or heart disease... AND to make a million dollars.

(expired link). That entire story is complete bullcrap, but it's way more entertaining than the real story behind TweeterTrash. Trust me.

Anyway, moving right along. I feel the "sound" of TweeterTrash Brand Crap is best described in the following way... Bananarama was riding in a garbage truck that was hit by a bus driven by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. The death throes of the survivors were recorded and produced into a budget bin worthy rockabilly album in a thrifty home studio located somewhere in the heart of a New Jersey slum, and those tracks were later remixed by Helen Keller.

If you're looking for God-awful, horrible music you've come to the right place. TweeterTrash produces some of the most annoying and ear-offensive tracks ever created.

Seriously, this stuff gets slapped together in like, a day. If that!

WARNING: This is NOT the kind of music you would bump in the background to land that hottie you've been working on for the last 6 months.

We would NOT recommend telling anyone you're a fan. Your "friend stock" could plummet drastically into a social tailspin the likes of which you'll never be able to pull yourself out of.

DO NOT wear officially licensed TweeterTrash swag in public!! ...unless you're Just running to Wal-Mart and coming straight back home. Then you're golden.

If all that hasn't scared you away yet find TweeterTrash on iTunes and Facebook.